Venting

I feel so bummed today and idk why.  I am really getting my hopes up on getting a ring when Justin gets back, I know I shouldnt but I cant help it.  I just wanna have that part of him so bad.  I am pretty sure I am gonna get disappointed and it not happen.  I have an idea in my mind on how things will go and I need to chill out with it, I need to just put it out of my mind.  I know he got me something for Christmas but idk what it is, of course, I do know he has spent alot of money.  Its just somethings he says makes me think that it is a ring, but maybe I am just looking way to into it.  I dont wanna rush things, I want us both to want it, but I do have hopes.

I have been looking at houses in Jacksonville, hopefully thats where he will get re stationed.  I really want to move there even if we arent married.  Of course we need to talk about it and all, but I just want to be closer to him.  Then again I dont wanna move and then we never get married.  Today is just really gotten me down.  I so dont wanna get whatever he has gotten me and have a disappointed look on my face.  I know I will love whatever it is, but still...I have this picture in my head of what it is and I am sure that isnt it.  Oh well, I just need to go back to not caring, just let whatever happen, happen. 

I just need to focus on getting him home, everything else shouldnt matter.  And when he is back maybe we can focus on other things.  I do love him, and I know he is the guy I am suppose to be with.  Hopefully someday my dream will come true.

I love you baby <3